Thursday, April 12, 2012

Entry 7

Title: Gabe to the Rescue
Genre: Picture Book
Gabe was the only alligator at the zoo.
He liked to float across the pond with Tucker Turtle, Frieda Frog and Pedro Parrot sitting on
 his back.
      One day, while relaxing in the pond, they heard a loud sound coming from the top of the hill.
      Tucker glanced up the hill.
      Frieda looked up the hill.
      Pedro peeked up the hill.
      Gabe gazed up and saw the zookeeper pushing and pulling something big and green across the grass.
      “Look! It’s a new gator, and she’s in trouble.” Gabe growled.
      Gabe opened his mouth wide and showed his shiny, sharp teeth.


  1. oooh is Gabe going to be the new Gator's friend or foe?
    I haven't actually read a child's book in fifty years but this one sounds like it would be fun to engage the kidlets with...good job!

  2. I know nothing about picture books, so I'm afraid I can't say anything too constructive, but I definitely like the rhythm of this - seems like it would be fun to read out loud!

  3. I like the name Gabe because that's my son's name! :)

    This is fun. Just a few quibbles: The punctuation is incorrect when Gabe speaks. There should be a comma there-- "Look! It's a new gator and she's in trouble," Gabe growled.
    And honestly, I'd change that to "said" if it were me. Fancy tags usually distract more than they inform.

    I also don't really like the variety of verbs used to describe the animals looking up the hill. Is there a reason you're drawing this out? It seems like it's more to be cute and doesn't move the story along. I definitely would take out "Gabe gazed up" because that's not a good descriptor. If someone is looking at something intently or purposefully, they're not gazing. Gazing implies a longer, more meditative look -- so just be careful with your word choice.

    Other than that, I'm curious to see what's going to happen.

    And why isn't this new gator in a cage? Yikes! Sounds dangerous. :)

  4. I think it is a good start for a friend of foe book. I liked the description of his sharp teeth at the end.

    I'm wondering about the sound. Is that the other gator or a truck? If a truck, then you could say "they heard the zookeepers old truck coming..." OR if it is the gator you could write, "Gabe saw where the growling was coming from. He saw the zookeeper pushing and pulling..." And "growling" may not be the word choice here, I'm not sure what alligators do...

  5. I'd be interested in learning more about this new alligator. I'm thinking it is a lawnmower, and the animals don't know that.