Title (working): The Darkest London
Genre: Fantasy
Charles Franklin Osgood paused at the arch of the Old Bridge, the one that jumped the moat away from town and towards the Woods on the other side, where nobody ever went. He paused there to look over the soft, wooden railing, gnawed to tissue by age and weather, into the eyes of his reflection, dark upon the water sliding in silence below. It comforted him to prove to himself that he, at least, was the same as he had been yesterday, and all the days before that— even if it was, taken out of context, a sorrowful, little picture.
Is this YA Fantasy or fantasy for adults?
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about Charles and what has taken place in the world. It sounds like things around him have changed, but he hasn't.
In the first sentence "the one that jumped the moat away from..." I was a bit confused by that part of the sentence.
Thanks for joining in. :)
The moat sentence confused me until I realized you were talking about the Old Bridge. Perhaps you could revise that? Dying to know what happened yesterday and all the days before...
ReplyDeleteI love your voice. I think I do agree with the other commenters that the first sentence could be simplified so it packs a real punch. I love your imagery-- "the soft, wooden railing gnawed to tissue..." Really lovely.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I like your voice as well. I think it has to do with your word choices - which are really great. I loved the imagery of a the Old Bridge jumping over the moat to the woods. Really nice job.
ReplyDeleteI like the choices of imagery you've got here. I think you might be able to clear up some of the confusion by using shorter sentences. Good luck with it!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know more about this person. What has happened to make him feel the need to keep reassuring himself that he hasn't changed? I think shorter sentences might work better. I was a bit confused by the first sentence.
ReplyDeleteSusanne
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