tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post1951940847236828806..comments2024-01-13T03:17:02.912-06:00Comments on S.K. Mayhew, Kid Lit Writer : Entry 7Sharon K. Mayhewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-18565927515207910372012-04-13T20:46:13.993-05:002012-04-13T20:46:13.993-05:00I'd be interested in learning more about this ...I'd be interested in learning more about this new alligator. I'm thinking it is a lawnmower, and the animals don't know that. <br /><br />Susanne<br /><a href="http://susannedrazic.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">PUTTING WORDS DOWN ON PAPER</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-54198080887791950002012-04-12T22:40:49.682-05:002012-04-12T22:40:49.682-05:00I think it is a good start for a friend of foe boo...I think it is a good start for a friend of foe book. I liked the description of his sharp teeth at the end.<br /><br />I'm wondering about the sound. Is that the other gator or a truck? If a truck, then you could say "they heard the zookeepers old truck coming..." OR if it is the gator you could write, "Gabe saw where the growling was coming from. He saw the zookeeper pushing and pulling..." And "growling" may not be the word choice here, I'm not sure what alligators do...MaDonnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05584846693925103139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-5834925532540990762012-04-12T16:10:41.395-05:002012-04-12T16:10:41.395-05:00I like the name Gabe because that's my son'...I like the name Gabe because that's my son's name! :)<br /><br />This is fun. Just a few quibbles: The punctuation is incorrect when Gabe speaks. There should be a comma there-- "Look! It's a new gator and she's in trouble," Gabe growled. <br />And honestly, I'd change that to "said" if it were me. Fancy tags usually distract more than they inform.<br /><br />I also don't really like the variety of verbs used to describe the animals looking up the hill. Is there a reason you're drawing this out? It seems like it's more to be cute and doesn't move the story along. I definitely would take out "Gabe gazed up" because that's not a good descriptor. If someone is looking at something intently or purposefully, they're not gazing. Gazing implies a longer, more meditative look -- so just be careful with your word choice. <br /><br />Other than that, I'm curious to see what's going to happen. <br /><br />And why isn't this new gator in a cage? Yikes! Sounds dangerous. :)A.L. Sonnichsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11358456786727534289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-29690721042403283612012-04-12T12:50:08.235-05:002012-04-12T12:50:08.235-05:00I know nothing about picture books, so I'm afr...I know nothing about picture books, so I'm afraid I can't say anything too constructive, but I definitely like the rhythm of this - seems like it would be fun to read out loud!Susan Fieldshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02433408456603462774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-52132348444103410962012-04-12T12:28:00.351-05:002012-04-12T12:28:00.351-05:00oooh is Gabe going to be the new Gator's frien...oooh is Gabe going to be the new Gator's friend or foe? <br />I haven't actually read a child's book in fifty years but this one sounds like it would be fun to engage the kidlets with...good job!AstridsSoapboxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12765645879431056941noreply@blogger.com