Title: DISAPPEARANCE AT HAWNBRIDGE MANOR
Genre: YA mystery
I find the note in my locker after seventh hour.
It’s just sitting there on my algebra book, nothing special about it. No flashing lights, no eerie background music, not even a mysterious little wind ruffling my hair. Just a photocopied yearbook picture enlarged to the size of a sheet of notebook paper, with cut out magazine letters pasted across the top like a ransom note in an old movie. It’s caught at a funny angle on top of a stack of books, so I can’t read what it says. I can see the picture though, and that’s enough.
This sounds really interesting....My only comment would be that I have a hard time reading books in present tense, but that's just me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining in. :)
Yikes! You've got me hooked. What does the note say and what is the picture? Good job so far...:)
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing. I'm definitely curious to know what the picture is. I don't see anything wrong with this first section - it draws me in and the writing is clear.
ReplyDeleteGood job and best of luck!
I zipped along through this - that's very good news! Nothing slowed me down - and I want to know what happens :)
ReplyDeleteI love present tense writing, so that was an immediate draw for me. Intriguing beginning!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I like the tone.
ReplyDeleteI'm am curious though, you start by saying it's sitting on your algebra books, then you say it is caught at a funny angle. I'm trying to put those two together to really see how this note appears.
I love that you kept the message and the picture "hidden". It really draws you in. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteOkay. I'm late commenting and did not want to taint my thoughts, so I did not read any of the other feedback.
ReplyDeleteThe seventh hour of school I guess? If the paper is on the algebra book, wouldn't it be flat? So how could it be at a funny angle? And you said it was on a (algebra) book, but then you say it is on a stack of books. Plot hole, no, but it needs to be changed a bit, I think. The story sounds interesting. (I'm a mystery buff) I love the feel of it. I hope to see it in the bookstore one day. :-)
You have an interesting start to the story. I want to read on. What is the picture of? What is the caption?
ReplyDeleteIs the note folded or laying flat? You mention it sitting on an algebra book and then further down it's caught at a funny angle on a stack of books. I was a bit confused on that.
Susanne
PUTTING WORDS DOWN ON PAPER
I've gotten used to reading and writing present tense, so it read smoothly and very nicely to me. Intriguing! Loved the "mysterious little wind ruffling my hair" bit, as well as the ransom note reference. :)
ReplyDelete