Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 21

Title: Pink Tiger
Genre: Commercial Fiction

Megan reached for the cold metal handle; her hand shook like an addict on withdrawal. Get a grip woman. She’d faced larger giants than the pint-sized ones beyond the gymnasium door. One. She took a breath. Two. The muffled roar of the crowd as it echoed throughout the empty corridors of the school surged towards her, resonating in her ears like the echo of a freight train in an empty station. An explosion of panic threatened to overwhelm her as tiny dots clouded her vision.

Not now. Please God, not now.


  1. Not a good time for a panic attack - if that's what's going to happen! Good set up :)

  2. Love the second to last line; great descriptive words in it.

  3. Great start. I feel like I'm there experience the moment with her. :D

  4. Love that the action is off and running. Well done!

  5. Very good set up for premise of story. Intriguing, yet threads of fancy are woven in for the reader. (She's already faced giants bigger than high school kids).

    Makes reader want to know what kind of creature Megan is.

    Love the first line...SHOWS the reader MC's fear of the unknown.

    I'd read further.

    Good luck!

  6. I like this and I'm excited to see what happens to this character. The sentence 'The muffled roar of the crowd...' is a bit wordy and takes me out a little bit. I had to read it a few times.

  7. I'm intriqued. I was wondering what kind of handle she was reaching for. A door handle or or a sword handle? You paint a very nice picture of her internal voice. Nice job!