Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 18

Title: Cat’s Eye
Genre: Upper YA/Cross

It was a Tuesday when it happened, many years after many cat’s eyes. The sun was shining. The sky a crisp blue. A day my mother would have danced herself out into taking me along so I could see the world through her eyes, as if my own weren’t quite enough. I needed a guide, an interpreter, or so she had me believe.

She saw brilliance. I saw reality. The touch of greys tugging at the edges of her brighter than bright day, and that one Tuesday was no different to the many other days, except for the briefest of moments, I was seeing things through her eyes alone.


  1. I like your voice & style. I really like the start to the 2nd paragraph & wonder if you might consider starting with those 2 sentences. 'My mom saw brilliance. I saw reality.' That sets the tone & mood so well.

  2. This is a lovely beginning and I can already sense that something big is coming. My only critique is that that last sentence is quite long and gets to be a mouthful. I'd suggest breaking into two.

  3. I kind of like this, but I had to reread some parts to understand exactly what was happening.

    I'm not entirely sure what "a day my mother would have danced herself out" means.

  4. I'm confused. This sounds almost paranormal or fantasy because I have no idea what Cat's Eyes means in this context. I'd keep reading because I'm curious where it's going.

  5. If you have a chance pop over to my blog and see the 250 word excerpt, hopefully it will answer questions. Thank you so very much for all your comments. What a wonderful thing to participate in.
    Stina, you were very good to pick up the paranormal or fantasy link to this contemporary piece, considering we're talking 100 words!
    Thanks again.
    My best, Linda

  6. Okay, I really like this, so I'm giving you my honest feedback because I think your story is worth it...
    1. cat's should be cats'
    2. after reading this sentence more than a few times, I think I finally figured out what you were trying to say. That being said, maybe you could say it a different way so it's easier to understand: A day my mother would have danced outside for, taking me...
    3. the last sentence is way too long.
    ****4. Most important, I agree with Jemi. "She saw brilliance. I saw reality." is a KILLER opening sentence. You can easily use that if you shake it up a bit. What if you start with that and then said "It was a day my mother would have..." Don't discount those two sentences tho. You are lucky to have such a powerful opening!! :) (Better than mine)
    Please take my ideas with a grain of salt. I mean, what do I know? :) Good luck!

  7. Thank you sycamore for your generosity and kindness. Much appreciated.

  8. I like your voice. :) I agree with Jemi. I think your second pargraph should be your first and then you can incorporate some of the aspects of the first paragraph into it. I didn't understand the cat's eyes reference.

    I think when you go to "sell" your book to an agent or an editor you have to be more specific on your genre. It might be something you discuss after they have read it, but I think you have to decide what it is before you can sell it.

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  10. Ah, the debate of genre. Looking at Jellicoe Road, one of my most favourite YA novels, I have found listings of its genre as Contemporary, Contemporary/Mystery/Drama, Fiction, YA Fiction, YA Fiction/Mystery/Self Discovery, Mystery/Realistic/Drama.
    I'm going to follow suit with Cats Eye, but with a splash of something else.

  11. I like this, but as with some of the others, I had to re-read it a few times before I figured out what was going on. You write beautifully. This: "She saw brilliance. I saw reality" is lovely. nice job!