Title: BEAUTIFUL THINGS NEVER LAST
Genre: Contemporary YA
My mother is totally nuts. I say this with complete certainty, and with the backing of fourteen medical professionals’ opinions. They have filled her head- and our medicine cabinet, with enough bottles to make a CVS jealous. Lithium, Darvocet, Prozac, Xanax- they are all present and accounted for- happy little tablets to curb her unruly moods. So, what did come first, the meds, or her major personality defect? If you ask me, I don't think she started off certifiably emo. I think she was just unhappy and my dad knew it’d be easier to partially sedate her and keep her quiet than attempt to make her life better.
Love the title, and I love the first (and second) line. It is definitely something a teen would say. I think this is a powerful first paragraph that gives important info.
ReplyDeleteThere may just be a few punctuation errors here, I need to double check usage here to help you fix them! Good luck!
You pack a punch! I like the tone & the voice. I think I'd be tempted to get of 'partially' & 'certifiably' & 'just' to give it even more impact.
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely hooked. I think you could cut some of those hyphens and change 'what did come first' to 'what came first.' Otherwise, great start.
ReplyDeleteI think there should also be a hyphen after 'medicine cabinet'. Trying to help Kelly out here.
ReplyDeleteOn my lunch break, so just popping in. I read your first 250 and commented. So good job and good luck. My best, Linda
I like the voice here. I like the line about being 'certifiably emo' and wonder if the paragraph should end there because it packs a bigger punch.
ReplyDeleteGreat start. I love the listing of the medications and the musings of the relationship between medicine and illness. I think in today's society, this would really grab many readers. I want to know more about the mother, her condition and her relationship with the narrator.
ReplyDeleteTotally hooked! I agree with some of the punctuation issues....but I want more!!!! I don't even care that I don't know the mc's name...but I hope you bring that up soon. I went to a conference and the agent I met with said that was SO important! NICE JOB!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to comment! So many great entries in this contest! Good luck to everyone! :)
ReplyDeleteSharon, that is interesting, I'd never really thought about that! Actually, I don't think her name comes up until halfway through the first Chapter. Hmmm... May need to remedy that! (It's Quinn, by the way) :)