1. Scott and the Naughty Boy Factory –
children's chapter book.
It had taken two days of digging, but Scott finally had a small cup full of worms. He only kept the best ones - long and fat and slimy. This cup of worms was his best yet. He was sure that if they had worm-collecting at the Olympics, this cup would be a gold medal winner
Random writings of my random thoughts.
Good posing the obvious question - what's he doing with the worms? May need more of a hook though, like a problem, but that's just my opinion. Perhaps the question is enough to keep a reader. I would keep reading - what's gonna happen to those poor worms?
ReplyDeleteYeah, no hook, but I though the rhythm of the sentences was really strong. I could really see a child thinking/speaking like this.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice and the "gold medal winner" - definitely sounds like something a child would think. I also want to know what's going to happen to the worms.
ReplyDeleteAwwww
ReplyDeleteA wonderful start - I like the focus on the worms - says so much about the character already!
lovely.
Good luck!
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Oh, this is REALLY interesting for me because I read the first four sentences of this book in an earlier draft, and this is WAY better than the last opening. Love it!
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot. Good voice. I might play around with the last line a bit, because the first phrase with "they had worm-collecting" seemed a little awkward. I might change it to: "If there was a worm-collecting competition in the Olympics, Scott was sure...." Just my humble opinion! But I like it. Good job.
ReplyDeleteYou've got my attention. My brothers got worms and put them on my back when I was a teenager. I'd read more. I hope the problem is going to be identified soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone! I appreciate the comments. :-)
ReplyDelete