2. TRAIN WATCH
Middle Grade Historical
August 5, 194
Dear Mama,
PLEASE COME GET ME AND OTIS! I’m tired of working in the field picking cotton and corn and tobacco and whatever else Grandpa Lum grows for “BOSS MAN.” I thought slavery was over! I want to come live with you, Mama.
Random writings of my random thoughts.
Good, just a little confused about the date.
ReplyDeleteNice setup of a problem.
I think this is a little more interesting than when I read it the first time over on Miss Snark's First Victim site. You have a good sense of the character's voice. And I like the "whatever else Grandpa Lum grows for Boss Man" -- though I'm not sure why that's all caps - character quirk?
ReplyDeleteI like how you've introduced the problem right away. Good start!
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteI hope mama does come and get this poor child and Otis!
I like the voice of the letter-writer and would certainly read on.
Good luck!
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I like this. I wouldn't put "Boss Man" in quotations like that, though. Just imagine this child writing exactly as he speaks -- don't worry about making it clear to the reader. The reader will catch on.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before, but I think I've heard that it's not good to start a book with a diary entry or a letter. You might want to try grounding us first in the story and then, if necessary, introduce the letter. Just a thought.
Hope this helps and good luck!
LOVE IT! I adore diary entry books. They make me feel like I'm sneaking a peak at people's lives. I'd read on...
ReplyDelete