Friday, March 26, 2010

15.Siege of the Heart
     Historical Romance
Isobel Dumont vowed she would not cry, not in front of the men her father charged with her protection. With the telltale pressure building up behind her eyes, she focused on the boss of the circular shield slung across the back of the rider in front of her as she urged her steed down the path. Gritting her teeth, she adjusted the bow and quiver of arrows resting on her shoulder. She wanted an excuse to use them.


  1. I like this character. Strong and vulnerable. Good stuff.

  2. I like her already, especially her strength. I'm wanting to read more to find out why these men have been charged with her protection. A strong start!

  3. I love the name! I was surprised when I got to the third sentence. I loved the fourth sentence it really hooked me. I want to know why she is being protected and why she wants to hurt the protectors. I'd change the word "telltale," it doesn't flow as nicely as the rest of your entry.

  4. Hi

    I hope she gets to use her arrows! Great characterisation established in a few sentences.

    Good luck!


  5. I really like this. I like your protag already! If I'd change anything it would just be the incredibly long and wordy second sentence. I just couldn't make sense of it. What is a "boss of the circular shield?" At first I read it like she was focusing on the boss, you know, like the person in charge, so the rest of the sentence spun me around several times. Bring your reader gently into this different world with little bite-sized details that we can understand without taking time to puzzle over it. But overall, I really like this. Good job and good luck!

  6. I am definitely hooked. I want to know why she's being protected and where she is going. Nice picture of the pressure building behind her eyes.