10.High Street Gang and the Haunted Barn
MG
You're insane," A.J. yelled. "If you think I'm going to sleep in a barn that's haunted you're totally out of your mind."
"I'm with A.J. on this one," Becca said, twisting her long, red ponytail around her skinny finger.
"We can't let some little itty-bitty ghost stand in our way of a free movie, can we?"
Random writings of my random thoughts.
I am assuming the last line of dialogue is a third person (asides from AJ and Becca) right? At this point, I don't know which character to really focus on or who the MC is. You may want to make that clearer sooner.
ReplyDeleteGreat hook, and I like the dialogue between the kids. A tag on the last line to indicate the speaker would be helpful.
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I like this very much!!! Great way to introduce the plot and characters.
Good luck!
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Ooo, very exciting. I just wish I had more idea of the setting. Are they standing outside the barn talking? Is it daytime, nighttime. It would be nice to have some clues since three people have already thrown in their two cents about the night's activities. Just a brief, brief sentence of description would make this perfect.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I like it and think it's a good hook.
ReplyDelete