Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 9

Genre: MG Contemporary

When they'd first started the cemetery, Annie always hoped for rain.She thought it was more dramatic. But common sense won out. Rain turned the holes into mud baths.

Fortunately, today was perfect, clear-sky burial weather. If she had to wait any longer, it would be too late.

 Annie eavesdropped from the top of the stairs. Matt and a friend droned on about healing plants for boyscouts. That'd keep him out of her hair.

She tip-toed down the hall and peeked in her mom's room. Busy with bills. And Kate was out of the house. Perfect.


  1. I love the first sentence! Wonderful. :o) Makes me want to learn more about Annie and who they are burying. Good job!

  2. I like the hook too - definitely brings me in & makes me curious! Great voice :)

  3. Intriguing story!!! This will probably be revealed later why the title is the title, but it sounds like a darker, possibly spooky story with the cemetary setting, yet the title seems very upbeat.
    Good luck!!

  4. This is one of those weird times where I loved the 100 words as a whole, yet found the first sentence lacking; I wish I could clarify for you. But I’m lost in any explanation I write. With the line--Annie always hoped for rain. She thought it was more dramatic. But common sense won out. Rain turned the holes into mud baths.-- the only way this makes since, is if she controls the rain like with a hose, in a child’s sand box.

    But maybe that’s just me, its possible I just don’t get it.

    All in all, I think the voice is strong, and the premise has me hooked for sure. I’m not trying to be negative, just trying to explain what confused me as a reader.

  5. I'm kind of intrigued, but I think that's because I'm confused.

    I'm not sure what's happening ... the first sentence just threw me. I've read it a few times and I still can't really make out what's going on.

    You say "when the cemetery started," so did they just make a new cemetery? And Annie always hoping for rain seems like it's ... well, always, not just the one time they started the cemetery. It just confused me because you have one specific time (when the cemetery started) and then Annie always hoping ... they don't really go together.

  6. I'm really intrigued! I'm wondering what kind of thing is going on with a cemetery...Do they have a pet cemetery for their friends? HMMM, I'd read on for sure. I like how you got Annie's name in the first 100 words too. :-)

  7. I agree with someone above regarding the first sentence. I didn't understand how they "started" a cemetery. Do her parents own a cemetery? That's the only thing I can think of so if that's the case, maybe you can say that in the opener:
    When her parents first opened the cemetery, Annie always hoped there would be lots of rain.

    Other than that, I liked it. Too bad you only get 100 words because I'd like to know what she couldn't wait any longer to do. :)

  8. First, I love the title.

    I agree about the first line, but I also found the last few sentences odd. "Busy with bills." Is that even a sentence?

    I like the voice and I would like it a bit clearer.

  9. The title rocks.

    I love the voice and the wording, but I'm left a little confused by the phrasing and continuity of snippets and sentences. I can see the short, jumpy tidbits being great voice, but in the beginning I need something a little smoother to ease me into the story and set the scene firmly in my head.

    I am intrigued to read on though!

  10. I remember this from Show Me The Voice. I love this. So intriguing. Would love to know what happens! Nicely done!!