Title: Banshee's Daughter
Genre: Urban Fantasy
A hydra? Why couldn’t it ever be something normal, like a Doberman or Rottweiler? No sooner than the thoughts had crossed Iliana’s mind than the three-headed monster of myths reared back, inhaling deeply as it prepared to breath fire and acid down upon her.
Rolling her shoulders, Iliana danced back a few steps as she raised her arms, wrists crossed and palms out as she muttered the words to a spell.
The fire and ice feel of magic flowed through Iliana’s veins and burst from her palms, streaking across the short distance to the hydra. Before the monster could release an attack, it vanished, revealing a very irritated dragon.
Excellent action to start the novel. A good introduction to magic and a very unusual MC name that sounds magical as well.
ReplyDeleteThis writing sample draws my into the story and I'd like to know how these mythical creatures show up in a modern world. The dogs give the only clues to it being an urban fantasy. Interesting choice of clue.
I'd read more.
Great visual description to the magical animal about to attack the MC, as well as the action descriptions. I was able to imagine exactly what was happening from your few words, and in a fantasy, this is very important in creating a new world.
ReplyDeleteNice work, I get the hint she is practicing her magic.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, I really connected to the writing, it left me wanting more.
I like the action & the character's attitude :)
ReplyDeleteGreat writing. I kind of disagree with the other commenters, though. I don't think it's a good idea to start in the middle of a scene like this. My advice would be to back up and show us what's at stake if she doesn't win this battle, besides her own life, so that we have more of an emotional investment in this character. That would mean starting at a point that's more "normal" for her and then bringing on the threat to her life and her world.
ReplyDeleteJust my two cents. Feel free to disregard. :) And, like I said, the writing is great! The action has great pacing. Best of luck!
Amy
I like this, but am a bit confused by the hydra turning into a dragon at the end. I know this is just the first 100 words though, so no big deal; I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI think the opening is catchy, but would a doberman or rottweiler be normal for your MC? I mean, it seems like she's magical and fights monsters and things, so would she honestly expect to walk in somewhere and have to fight a doberman?
Hi. One to many 'as' in second paragraph. I also have a problem with the word 'revealing'. I would rather it be revealed than to say the word revealing. My pet peeve, but I had to get it out.
ReplyDeleteI started with my very few nit picks so I wouldn't forget, but now I'd just like to simply say that, I liked the piece. Never read any urban fantasy, so it was nice to get a peek.
Well done. I'm sure it will be fantastic.
I like your mc's name and I loved the way you described the scene and the sensations that she felt as she performed the magic. The only thing that confused me was that the hydra disappeared and revealed a dragon. Does that mean it turned into a dragon? You have a great sense of voice?
ReplyDeleteOh, and just a minor typo. It should be "breathe fire," not "breath fire." Sorry, I didn't notice it when I first commented. :)
ReplyDeleteAmy
I like your start all except for the question right off. I get it once I read but for some reason...I don't know, it just isn't quite the way I invision a book starting out. But hey, I am by far no pro on the subject so if it feels right to you then maybe it is:)
ReplyDeleteOther than that I really enjoyed it!