I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel pretty knowledgeable. People ask me questions. I know the answers or how to tell them to find the answers. But then you get this one person, they're intelligent and well connected and a lot older than you. They want your advice and help. You try for several months to help them. Then they don't take your advice or only take part of it. They do their own thing....Then they come back and want more advice and you don't know how to help them.
I think I was probably born a teacher. I've always liked helping people. But I'm at the point of frustration. I do want to help this person, I just don't know how.
(Light bulb moment) Maybe I tell him. I don't think I can help you with your current works. Perhaps if you write a new manuscript, I can help you with editing and your query letter, because that's what I do best.
Have you ever had a situation like this? It doesn't have to be a writing situation either...
What did you do?
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Yes, that's a frustrating situation. Actually, I used to have that happen as an attorney all the time and then I was expected to help people who didn't take my advice and screwed up their cases. Sigh. Very frustrating.
ReplyDeleteTough situation, Sharon. I know you've worked (physically & mentally) hard on this. Even though we have abilities to help/guide most people who cross our paths, sometimes there are some people who are beyond our reach.
ReplyDeleteFortunately I'm staggeringly incompetent so no one ever asks me for advice on anything.
ReplyDeleteThe 'you can lead a horse to water' saying is true.
ReplyDeleteI think your idea has merit. Consider telling them that.
Welcome to the group. :)
IWSG #134 until Alex culls the list again.
I have often been asked for advice on "how to get published." I find that people want an easy, one-step answer. Preferably: "Let me introduce you to my agent and she'll get you a book deal." They don't want to hear the real answer -- all the steps, all the work. Over time, I have learned to be more blunt and brief in my answer. Most people don't want the advice I have to give -- and those that do can seek it out by reading my blog or taking the community ed classes I teach.
ReplyDeleteI think your solution is a great idea. My mother used to do that me, ask, but never take any of my advice. Used to bug the heck out of me. Then I realized she just needed encouragement and a vote of confidence. Even mums need to know they're on the right track.
ReplyDeleteSounds like quite a tricky one.
ReplyDeleteAssuming that you know this person quite well, I think that you'll work out what's the best answer to give him/her.
...and you SHOULD get cracking on organizing those A to Z posts that have picture book potential...
Happy IWSG Day!
Writer In Transit
I offer, but if they don't take it, well, I don't offer again. I just nod head sagely and agree with them! I think most of the time folks just want someone to listen to them, they don't really want help. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog today! Lisa, co-host #IWSG May, @ http://www.lisabuiecollard.com
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon, it's great to hear from you again, though I'm never far away and I pop over to keep my eye on you! Thanks for your comments. Look how well you are doing ... what a journey since we began blogging all those yonks ago. I hope I was some help in guiding you with your research about Britain. Sent me an email anytime I'd love to keep in touch: at sharonmcpherson2003@yahoo.co.uk I'm also on Facebook so I'll try and find you and friend/like. xx
ReplyDeleteI think we've all been in that situation at some point. The advice is there, but whether it's taken or not is another story. At least we know we've tried. :) Thanks so much for visiting my blog earlier today. Have a great night. Eva, IWSG co-host
ReplyDeleteIt's always hard when people ask for advice but refuse to actually listen.
ReplyDeleteAh, a touchy and tricky situation. Maybe some of your suggestions will sink in later to this person. For some reason, they're not resonating now. You can only do what you feel is correct, and go from there!
ReplyDeleteThis happens so VERY much! Not with just writing but in life in general. People tend to keep asking for advice yet never use it and keep coming back for more that it's exhausting. This happens to my hubby all the time. Sometimes it's good to step away from a project you are too close to (maybe mention it) and like you said try another ms but it might hurt the person's feelings. Maybe ask: How can I help? And listen to see what they say. Then elaborate or remind them if they repeat same issues. Hugs. It's a hard situation when you want to help.
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon - sounds like you've worked out the way round the problem ... or just say "it's a long process and I worked my way round the subject learning as I went" - good luck with it all ... "as with all things in life ... it's one step at a time" ...
ReplyDeleteI hate the idea of the burden ... so your idea is the best - lose them .. cheers Hilary