Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 7

Title: Rock 'n' Roll Princesses Wear Black
Genre: Humorous realistic middle grade

“Yes, I’m back in black!” blasted from the family room speakers. My little brother cried like a baby in his bedroom, because, well, he’s a baby. I stepped into my room and shut the door for some peace and quiet. My dad usually listens to his AC/DC playlist on the iPod speakers while he pays bills. AC/DC is a “classic” rock band. Which means they’re old. I like music and all, but there’s a time for rocking out and there’s time to get things done. I needed to find something to wear to Brooke’s birthday party right now. If only my brother would go back to sleep.


  1. Remember your tenses. "blasted" is past tense, and "listens" and "pays" are present tense. These are little things, I know, but its just enough to stop the flow of action. I think this would really be a good story told in present tense, if it isn't already. It seems to be a popular way of writing, although I can't seem to master it. I love humorous books. I don't care if they're for adults or middle grade. Laughs are laughs! Good luck Entry Number 7

  2. Maybe it’s just me… it seems like a theme of mine. But I would like to know more specific about the character, is it a boy, or girl… I do get a sense of the age though. The voice portrays a 13 to 14 year old person.

    I think it’s a girl because of picking something to wear for the birthday party, yet it think it’s a boy, because of the neglect of the crying baby.

    Something in your writing leaves me wanting more, I do connect with it.

    I wish you the best of luck.

  3. I like the setting and the characters - very real. I think you could tighten up a bit to make an even greater impact. Nice job. :)

  4. I like her snarky attitude. I'm pretty sure it's a her because she's picking out something to wear to a party. I think she has great voice. I know a 100 words isn't many I'm hoping her name is introduced quickly. One thing an agent told me about my ms was I is not a character, you have to give your character a name ASAP.

    I was wondering about your realistic fiction the same a contemporary?

  5. I love the title of this! And I like the voice. I know it's only the first 100 words, but I found that the last sentence didn't go with what was happening beforehand. I get that she needs some peace and quiet so she can concentrate on picking out a killer outfit, but I didn't get what her brother had to do with anything. Be careful with your tenses.

  6. 1. The first two sentences don't flow together, although I like them each separately.
    2. Not sure why classic is in quotes?
    3. What about...Right now, I need to find something to wear to Brooke's birthday party. It seems like it goes with the sentence before better and the tense is correct.

    It may seem like I'm nit-picking, but I really love this which is why I wanted to mention those things. I LOVE the voice - very well done. It was obvious to me that it was a girl because she wanted to pick her outfit, etc. but that's just me. I think the concept it fantastic (rock'n'roll princess) and I wish you lots of luck!! :)

  7. I liked the title.

    The voice is terrific. It has some grammar issues which already has been pointed out.

    I believed it and that's a good thing.

  8. Firstly, I love this: There's a time for rocking out and a time for getting things done. Only major feedback is that I'd like to have a sense of who's speaking--age, perhaps?