Title:OPEN MINDS
Genre: YA
A zero like me shouldn't take public transportation.
The hunched driver wrinkled a frown before I even got on the bus. Her attempt to read my mind would get her nothing but the quiet of the street corner where I stood. I kept my face neutral. Nobody trusted a zero to begin with, but scowling back would only make the driver more suspicious. I gripped my backpack and gym bag tighter and climbed the grime-coated steps. The driver's mental command whooshed the door closed behind me.
Yeah, junior year was off to a fantastic start already.
Nice opening. I like the hints of the setting and genre you've included. Good first line too!
ReplyDeleteGreat title! I like the opener, and it is intriguing to know why or how the minds are being read!
ReplyDeleteOooh fascinating world already. Great job of introducing us to both the character and his/her world with definite skill.
ReplyDeleteGreat start. I wouldn't change anything. You've done an amazing job of creating your world in so few words. :D
ReplyDeleteSo very interesting! I love that the voice just jumps off the page. Thanks for sharing! :o)
ReplyDeleteI love it! My only suggestin is I don't know how to wrinkle a frown....It kind of stumped me. I want to read on!
ReplyDeleteThis is great! Very nice job here. For such a short excerpt, you really do a nice job of showing us your world. This, "The driver's mental command whooshed the door closed behind me." is great! I can totally see this!
ReplyDelete