Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 30

Title: WINDOWS
Genre: Paranormal/Romance

Some secrets were meant for sharing.

But not all secrets should be spoken aloud—some need to stay in the dark.

From her earliest years, Lucy had been schooled in the fine art of deception by her dad. Not out of a fundamental dishonesty or a disregard for civility, but out of self-protection. To always be discreet takes daily concerted effort, an effort that can eventually drain a woman’s soul. And to keep secrets, lying is necessary. Lucy knew this better than most people. Her whole life had been a series of deliberate misinformation.

7 comments:

  1. Intriguing premise. Make me wonder what in the world Lucy has done & is going to do!

    I wonder if your 2nd line might sound better without a bit ... But some need to stay in the dark. Not sure - just a thought! :)

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  2. Great writing. I like this a lot. The only slightly nitpicky thing I would change (just to help with flow) is to take out "by her dad." Don't let us know who educated her in deception. Save that for later. :)

    Just my humble opinion. Other than that, the voice is beautiful.

    Best of luck!
    Amy

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  3. My only critique is that you keep changing from past tense to present tense. Stick with one. Otherwise, great opening and very intriguing.

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  4. I really like the premise. Very intriguing! I actually liked the bit about the dad . . . intrigued me more.

    That said, the first two lines kindof turned me off because they were so general. Are those bits of information going to be vital soon? Because I don't see it yet. And I wonder if starting with sentence #3 would work better.

    Just a thought. Best of luck with it!

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  5. I think the idea of secrets and whether or not to share would resonate with a YA reader. I think there is a lot of promise in this set up. The first line, though, lacks punch. It's short and separated, which is nice, but I almost like the second line better.

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  6. I agree with Jemi. I think the third line should be cut, and like Richard, I think the second line would make a better opening. I like the dad being mentioned. Somehow I get the feeling he's important or she wouldn't have put him in there so early in the story. I also took a stab at the tenses--(this is only my opinion. take it or leave it) like this . . .

    Not all secrets should be spoken aloud.

    From her earliest years, Lucy had been schooled in the fine art of deception by her dad. Not out of a fundamental dishonesty or a disregard for civility, but out of self-protection. To always be discreet took daily concerted effort, an effort that eventually drained a woman’s soul. And to keep secrets, lying was necessary. Lucy knew this better than most people. Her whole life had been a series of deliberate misinformation.

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  7. I like the suggestion Jemi gave you for the second line. I really like your entry! I'm very curious about what Lucy and her Dad's secrets are....

    Nice job!

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