Showing posts with label mg hf WIP snippet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mg hf WIP snippet. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

WIPs On Wednesday...


A segment of  Chapter Two...(MG HF)


“Come on Luv.” Mummy took Gina’s hand and I followed them into our house.

“Oh dear, what a mess! That Mister Hitler is a horrid man. You stay in the sitting room whilst I clean up the broken glass.”

We stood and watch Mummy sweep up all the shards of glass and dust of the furniture. Gina held Dolly. Dolly was special to Gina, she was her only doll. Grandma knitted her and gave her to Gina for her last birthday. Dolly was filthy.

“Can we give Dolly a bath?” Gina looked up at me with sad eyes.

“That sounds like a smashing idea.” Gina and I took Dolly to the kitchen sink and turned the water on. A little trickle of brown water came out of the tap. “Mummy, there’s something wrong with the tap. Only brown water is coming out.”

“The bombs must have broken a pipe. It’ll be alright, we just have to make do. At least we still have a house.” Mummy shook her head and gazed out of what once was our kitchen window.

Knock, Knock, Knock

“Come in,” Mummy called out. Mrs. Haskell and her two boys Bill and Alexander came in. They had gathered all they could from what was left of their home. Mrs. Haskell was weeping.

“How shall we ever live?” she asked. “Our house and a meager pension was all I had. James barely left us enough to survive on without all of this.”

Mummy walked over to Mrs. Haskell and put her arms around her shoulders. “Mary, it’ll be alright. You and the boys can stay with us until the war is over. We’ll figure out what to do after that. Don’t worry yourself, Deary.”

“Ta, Janet. What we do without you?”


What do you think?  How's the dialogue? Is the Knock Knock Knock distruptive?

Don't forget to go to Susan and Amy's blogs to enter their wonderful contests...
Shannon is having a celebration over at her blog...check it out..she's got some great signed books that she's giving away.

Monday, March 1, 2010

WIP IT, WHIP IT GOOD...It's Manuscript Monday!

I don't know about you, but I needed some spring this weekend.  So I went to the florist and bought some. 

Thusday, Tess, shared a snippet of her upcoming book, WITH A NAME LIKE LOVE.  Tess, being Tess encouraged all of us to share a snippet of something we are working on.  Friday Amy shared a snippet of her WIP.  So today, I'm going to share a snippet of my mid-grade historical fiction WIP.



WHRRRRR, whrrr, WHRRR, whrrr


The air raid siren howled. It was September 7th, 1940 and the Blitz had begun.

“Hurry, hurry!” Mummy shouted. “Get out of bed, girls. Get to the shelter!”

Our shelter was in back of our council house. Daddy us dug a deep trench, in the back garden where we used to grow potatoes, and covered it with corrugated aluminium. The walls and floor were cold and damp and I hated going in it.

“I don’t want to go in there, Daddy,” Gina whined. “It’s full of creepy crawlies.”

“It-will-be-fine,” Daddy’s face was drawn in tight. In the distance we could hear the whistle of the bombs and the thunderous sound of explosions as they landed.

“Down there, now!” roared Daddy. All the while the sirens continued to blast on and off.

WHRRRRR, whrrr, WHRRR, whrrr

Mummy slid down the dirt wall into the shelter and I followed her lead. Gina was clutching Dolly. Daddy lowered her to Mummy. We got down on our knees, put our heads on our laps and covered our ears with our hands. Gina began crying. Mummy pulled us both close to her and she patted our backs.

“It’ll be all right, girls, it’ll be all right,” she said.

Daddy leapt into the shelter and dragged the corrugated aluminium over the opening above our heads.

KABOOM! KABOOM! KABOOM!

EEEAAWWW! EEEAAWWW!

The explosions and wailing sirens continued through the night. We could see, ever so slightly, around the sides of the roof that the sky was continually changing from dark to light and back. As dawn broke we could hear the German bombers flying off. The earth stopped shaking and the air raid siren blew on solid blast for two minutes. The air raid was over, Mr. Churchill told us (on the wireless) that would be the all clear signal.

Daddy pushed our make do roof out of the way. We all stood up and tried to rub the dirt off our legs. Gina began to cough. A thick layer of dust made the air brown.

Daddy climbed out first. “Gimme a sec and I’ll clear the way.”

We heard a loud thud as Daddy threw something and it bounced across our back garden. “Pass Gina to me. Go slow. It’s a bloomin mess up ere.”

Mummy picked up Gina and Daddy pulled her out of the shelter.

“Stand right there, Luv, and don’t move,” Daddy said. “Joyce, you’re next!”

I climbed on top of an old wooden crate that had been put in the corner of the shelter and Daddy helped me to get out.

“Jus' stand with Gina, Joyce. Let me ‘elp yur Mum.” Daddy took Mummy’s hands and pulled her out of the shelter. I loved the way Daddy held Mummy’s hand. Even in all of this, I could see how gently he took it. It was like she was a delicate Wedgewood tea cup.

Gina and I stood frozen in the spot Daddy put us in. It was hard to see. The air was thick with smoke and dust.

Mrs. Haskell’s house was half gone. Did they make it to their shelter? I wondered. The half that was still standing was attached to our house. Amazingly enough, our house seemed to only have broken windows.

Mister and Mrs. Elstone’s house was completely gone. Stone, brick, metal, and dust mixed in with our neighbor’s possessions lay on what had been the streets and gardens around our house.

Daddy began to force his way through the rubble. “Come ‘elp me, Janet. I can ‘ear Mrs. Haskell an’ ‘er boys. They’re under all this rubbish.”

“Girls,” Mummy said, “You mustn’t move from this spot.”

We both nodded. Gina squeezed my hand tightly.

Mummy navigated her way over to the Haskell’s air raid shelter.

“We can hear you, Mary. Are you and the boys alright? Wilfred and I’ll get you out,” Mummy called out.

“We’re bloody filthy and tired, but we’re alright.” Mrs. Haskell’s voice sounded muffled from under her make-do-shelter roof. She kept coughing. It sounded as if she was about to cough up her guts.

Daddy pulled up Bill and Alexander. They were filthy, just like their mum said. Mummy helped Daddy pull up Mrs. Haskell.

We all stood together, holding hands; filthy and silent.

The lighter it got the worse it appeared. Almost every house on our side of the road was damaged. People were emerging from their shelters. First they shook the dust from their hair and brushed off their clothes, and then they stood in awe of what had happened. The smaller children began crying. The older boys and girls put their arms around them. The grownups began searching through the rubble in the hopes of finding their friends and neighbors.

I left Gina, standing with Dolly, by our shelter. I wanted to help too. I wandered down the back row, not too far. I could still see Mummy and Daddy when I found Mr. Elstone. He was lying very still at the bottom of his shelter. Brick and glass lay all around him. The roof from his shelter was nowhere to be seen. “Mr. Elstone, Mr. Elstone,” I shouted. He did not move. Perhaps he was scared of getting injured by the broken glass, I thought. “Mummy, Daddy,” I called out. “I’ve found Mr. Elstone. I think he’s hurt.”

Daddy rushed to me. We stood together looking down at Mr. Elstone. “Do you see that?” I pointed to a shard of glass poking out of Mr. Elstone’s side.

“Get the little uns out of here, Janet!”


Sorry it was so a little longer than a snippet...Anything you like? Dislike? (This is my first attempt at writing anything over about 7,000 words.) Suggestions? Advice?