When You Lose Your Muse... RIP Grandad Samuel George Johnston

 

I'm going to be totally honest. 

My Muse has always been my grandparents. 

We lost Nanny (half of my Muse) in 2013. I've been traveling to England to see my grandparents since (I could first afford a ticket) December of 1988. I know I could have asked them for tickets to come see them at any time, but that's not who I am...they taught me that.

From 2013-2019 my trips to see Grandad were to help him adjust to being a widower,  to clean house and to take care of him. I looked forward to going to help him every year. We would usually do something fun, but I was mostly there to help. Often times I was planting seeds in his mind (like buying a new mattress to replace his 40 year old one, to try new things [he learned he liked espresso, but not a double], getting a house keeper instead of waiting for me once a year, hiring a gardener to trim his 10-12 foot hedges and giving up the car) and cleaning. 

He and Nanny had the most beautiful hearts, so many adventures together and they shared their stories with me.  I would sit and take notes and even encouraged them to write their stories. I would come back to America full of new story ideas. I compiled all my notes, interviews with them, their friends and other family members and started writing. They (other than my husband) have been the biggest cheerleaders for my life.

Covid stole so much from so many of us. I tried to cope with my lack of power to get to Grandad by sending him chocolates, toilet paper and presents at least once a week. I could tell he was slipping. He was a very social person and the isolation took a tole, not only on him but on his niece who (I admire so much) has been his right hand man since Nanny got ill and died. I was desperate to go and help her help him.

When I was finally able to get the second covid jab, I was on a plane two weeks later. My cousin had been trying to get him in to a doctor for six months...yay national health. I spent ten days trying to get him an appointment. No luck! Thanks national health! I stocked his house up, and replaced things to make it easier on the 75 year old beautiful lady who cleaned for him. His niece, beautiful neighbors and friends from the Platinum Club continued and keep an eye on him trying to keep him out of the car, but something had definitely changed in his health. I had to come back to the States for a doctor appointment and for the booster shot. Meanwhile, his other English granddaughter was turning her life upside down to move closer to him ASAP.

When I left for England at the end of January my husband and daughter knew my return date was not clear. My first night back with Grandad was wonderful, but I talked him into us going to bed by 11 each night, rather than our normal 1 or 2 in the morning because we had all the time in the world. The second night he woke me up in the middle of the night having a heart attack. I ran up and down the stairs for almost 4 hours until an ambulance finally arrived. Thanks national health!!! I got a taxi and followed him to the hospital. The reception nurse wouldn't  let me go in with him. I stood outside pacing for an hour or so. When the staff changed at 7:30 I went to talk to the new nurse. She asked the doctors and they let me be with Grandad. They let me stay for about three hours. My cousins both came down that day and Grandad's English grandson came. We busied ourselves cleaning and organizing to make things better for when Grandad got to come home. My knees were damaged during the heart attack. Grandad's staircase was very steep. 

The one positive thing I can say about national health was the amazing caring people who work in the industry, there just aren't enough workers. I couldn't believe the entire hospital had one doctor on call for the entire hospital on the weekends! The nurses and doctors in Grandad's ward let me stay with him up to nine hours a day. Most days I arrived at two and stayed until 9 pm. I sent the staff a huge basket of flowers in appreciation of their forgiving and kind care they were giving Grandad. (He tried to escape a few times and was not compliant until they figured out he had an infection that caused the heart attack and the adverse attitude. My cousins, husband and daughter gave me so much emotional support. I ended up moving to a hotel near the hospital because I was exhausted. I saw Grandad 37 days out of the forty days on this trip. My family back in the States really needed me as we had been through some big life changes right before my first trip. We (my cousins and I) thought things were improving and had a care home organized so he could leave the hospital. I was sitting at the airport (after covid protocol) and one cousin called and said the transfer had been called off because the care home had covid cases. Thank goodness we had made arrangements for her to replace me as his person at the hospital two days before I left. Everyone there said I needed to go home. I was exhausted beyond belief. I knew I would never see him again. He almost made it to 101!

I began grieving before he passed. Everything has been a blur for me. For my health and for my family I needed to come back to America, but all I could think of was Grandad saying how much he needed me and now I wasn't there. I knew he had people he loved around him. I talked to my cousins almost daily. I'm so glad they were there when he left us.

I couldn't go back for the funeral, as I don't think I could have survived the service. I wanted to go back and help his niece and granddaughter take care of his estate, but my husband felt it would cause me more pain than I could cope with. I know he's right. The one of last things I did for Grandad was make sure there was food, drinks, notes and taxi money for his daughter when she arrived in England. I made a video with Grandad and eventually could watch it and send it to any of his people who wanted to see it. I do have one thing left I can do is keep my word...I have to copy his life story he wrote for a person we met at the hospital. 

Right now, I'm not sure when I'll be able to write again...but when I'm not so broken, I'll try and write a sequel to Keep Calm And Carry On, Children. I still have so many stories of his life I want to share...

I know the 50 days I spent in England were hard on me mentally and physically, but I'm so grateful Grandad chose me to be his person at the hospital and that he chose to spend so much time with me over my 56 years. I am blessed...

PUSHING YOURSELF PAST YOUR LIMITS

Do you push yourself? Do you purposely push yourself past your comfort zone? Have you done something that terrified you, just to prove to yourself you could do it? Have you pushed yourself to prove to someone else you can do it?

Hopefully you answered yes to some of these questions.  If you didn't it's time to try something new.

I'm excited about trying something new.  I'm going to write a short story for adults for an anthology.  If you are interested in writing one too please check out The Keepsake Project.

***

On a personal note...

We've been going on college visits this summer. We have four left and then...school starts. It's hard to believe how quickly the first seventeen and a half years of our kiddo's life has zoomed by.  This year is going to be the beginning of a lot of changes for our whole family. 

Summer is zipping along...I hope you enjoy every moment of it.

Hugs to all..............................................

Eating my way through England, OPEN MINDS winner and An English Goodie Bag Giveaway

 If you ever visit England you MUST have a Cream Tea...It's a lovely fresh scone, strawberry jam, butter, and clotted cream.  It is by far one of the most special treats one can have.  Of course you would have it with a lovely cup of tea in a quaint tea room.

 No trip to England is complete without visiting a historic pub for a meal and a drink. 

 My very handsome almost 91 year old Grandad, never fails to take me to a wonderfully historic pub.

 I was doing some WWII research while I was there (more to come in another post).  This is a weeks worth of rations for one person during and for several years after the war.

 Every time you stop for afternoon tea you get a lovely sweet like this.

 Or like this flapjack.

 But as you can see, what I had was another scone with strawberry jam and clotted cream.

 And a lovely cup of tea.

 When I was a little girl you got fish and chips wrapped up in newsprint.  Times have changed.  They now come in these very nice boxes.

 It was unseasonably warm while I was in England, so once we got out fish and chips we walked to the boardwalk and sat on benches and ate our dinner by the sea.  It was fantastic!

 The food was a bit fancier in London.  I can't remember who had bangers and mash, but it was quite pretty.  Someone started eating before I got to their plate, so no picture of that one.  

 This was to be my dinner.  A Smoked Salmon sandwich, salad and chips.  To my surprise, the smoked salmon was RAW!  I pulled out all the slimy salmon and ate the cheese and bread with my salad and chips.

 We went to Buckingham Palace.  It was awesome!  You'll be so jealous when I tell you who's wedding dress I got to see.  After our tour, we went into the garden to have a little something and a cup of tea.  I had a piece of this very special type of cake.  It is the Digestive Biscuit Chocolate Cake that was served at Kate and Williams wedding.  (They had two cakes.)  It was DIVINE!

 The last night we were in London, I was exhausted, so I stayed in and ordered room service.  I have to say this was the best mushroom and onion pizza I have ever eaten!

 Many of you may of heard of Sticky Toffee Pudding.  I'll warn you about it:  They will never serve you a big enough piece...(SOOOO good)

 On the train you can walk down to a little cafe to get something hot to eat or drink.  Someone does walk around with snacks and drinks, but if you go to the cafe they will cook you something.

 I had a lovely cheese and tomato toasty.  (MMMMM)

These two people mean the world to me.  They have been married for over 71 years this year (1941-2011) and they are still in love.I've never seen anything so beautiful! 

The winner of a copy of OPEN MINDS and an OPEN MINDS bookmark is:

 Theresa Milstein

*Do you have a marriage role model?

*When you are in foreign countries do you try the local foods?

*Lastly, be a follower, answer one or both of the questions and you could win an English Goodie Bag. 

 (I'd love it if you tweeted or Facebooked the giveaway, but it's not necessary.)  I'll announce the winner on December 6th.

A Labor of Love...

This handmade doll house was a labor of love. Four of us worked on it for about four weeks.  Dad did the construction and electrical work.  Anne, Katherine and I did the painting, sanding, staining and design plans.  When you go to a hobby shop and buy a doll house kit, it sounds sooooo easy, but then you open it.  It contains thousands of tiny parts.  You even have to build the windows!  It doesn't include all of the parts.  It came with one set of stairs in a three story house.  There were no doors, but were doorways.  It had floors, but no flooring. 

We went to three hobby shops, a hardware shop and did some online shopping.  We put electricity in every room.  Baseboards and crown molding adorned all the rooms, except the third level, we couldn't put crown molding in because of the shape of the ceiling.  Each room has different wall paper; a couple had chair rails too.  Most of the floors are wood, but the kitchen and bathroom are simulated tile.  If you look at the stair wells, they have a landing and hand rails.  We built them from scratch!  If you look in the nursery you'll see a tiny doll house.  It's the same color as the real doll house.  Each room is wallpapered the same as the real doll house. 

So, if you are planning on putting a doll houses together for someone for Christmas...You Better Get Busy!  It was a wonderful experience, the four of us working on a big project.  It gave all of us special memories that will last forever.  Perhaps someday I'll have a grandchild and we'll put one together together. 

HAVE YOU EVER BEGUN A PROJECT AND REALIZED IT WAS TOO BIG TO DO ON YOUR OWN?  WHAT DID YOU DO?  DID SOMEONE HELP YOU? 

Who Are You MIssing?

A few weeks ago, I had a great find at TJ Max.  A bottle of Mint Imperials...Why was this such a great find?  My Nanny Johnson loved them.  Seeing them made me think of her and miss her.  She passed away several years ago.  I spent most of my life in the US and she lived in England.  So we didn't get to spend enough time together, but I always knew she loved me.  I know she still loves me. 

She was always the first person to send me a birthday card and Christmas card.  From the time I was eight until I was eighteen she sent me new pajamas for Christmas.  I still get new pajamas for Christmas, but my daughter and husband get them for me now.  I'm not sure if they know how the Christmas Eve pajama tradition began.

I look forward to seeing her again some day.  But for now this little jar of Mint Imperials will sit on my vanity reminding me of her never ending love.

So who are you missing this holiday season?