Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 26

Title: A Handful of Scars
Genre: YA historical fantasy

It all started when my mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

“Our old place back at court,” I said, glancing around our one-room hut and at my frayed sleeves. I don’t miss all the finery so much as I miss the respect we used to have. People bowed to us when we passed by. Now they throw clods of manure.

My mother didn’t say anything but her shoulders slumped. Hornets. I’ve never learned to think before I speak. I hadn’t meant to upset her. It’s not her fault that… no, stop right there. Not going back to those old memories.


  1. I love the word Hornets for a curse word! I also like the tone for the main character's voice.

  2. Intriguing! The voice feels very contemporary but you might want it that way. I would swap out "bowed" with "curtsied". Good work! :o)

  3. I've already critted this during the 250 word blogfest. Still think it's great. :D

  4. This is definitely intriguing and makes me want to read more.

  5. I love historical fiction and the concept behind this is intriguing. My one comment would be that the voice is very modern, and I don't see how that fits with the historical context, especially since it's in first person. Just a little tweaking could fix this, though. And it might be a good idea to prune your sentences a bit, too. "I don't miss the finery as much as I miss the villagers' respect." This is one example -- "we used to have" tacked on at the end is redundant because we know you're talking about the past.

    Hope this helps and best of luck!

  6. I really like the premise of the story, but I have to agree with some of the comments that the voice seems a bit too modern. I love the main characters swear word "hornets!"

  7. I love the first sentence. Very telling, yet simple and succinct.
    I am thinking perhaps the writing could be slightly more formal. No fragments. "Not going back to those memories." (seems too modern)
    Good luck!!!