tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post7933716176904122432..comments2024-01-13T03:17:02.912-06:00Comments on S.K. Mayhew, Kid Lit Writer : Entry Number 26Sharon K. Mayhewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-89994200023157121602011-03-25T13:43:37.467-05:002011-03-25T13:43:37.467-05:00I love the first sentence. Very telling, yet simpl...I love the first sentence. Very telling, yet simple and succinct.<br />I am thinking perhaps the writing could be slightly more formal. No fragments. "Not going back to those memories." (seems too modern)<br />Good luck!!!Kelly Polarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10968381456100611120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-7430760432200321832011-03-24T16:28:36.828-05:002011-03-24T16:28:36.828-05:00I really like the premise of the story, but I have...I really like the premise of the story, but I have to agree with some of the comments that the voice seems a bit too modern. I love the main characters swear word "hornets!"Sharon K. Mayhewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-4976896335306252602011-03-23T00:11:29.631-05:002011-03-23T00:11:29.631-05:00I love historical fiction and the concept behind t...I love historical fiction and the concept behind this is intriguing. My one comment would be that the voice is very modern, and I don't see how that fits with the historical context, especially since it's in first person. Just a little tweaking could fix this, though. And it might be a good idea to prune your sentences a bit, too. "I don't miss the finery as much as I miss the villagers' respect." This is one example -- "we used to have" tacked on at the end is redundant because we know you're talking about the past. <br /><br />Hope this helps and best of luck!<br />AmyA.L. Sonnichsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11358456786727534289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-54593921409488500722011-03-22T18:32:57.723-05:002011-03-22T18:32:57.723-05:00This is definitely intriguing and makes me want to...This is definitely intriguing and makes me want to read more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01677563505368503476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-70351779529054536312011-03-22T07:44:35.356-05:002011-03-22T07:44:35.356-05:00I've already critted this during the 250 word ...I've already critted this during the 250 word blogfest. Still think it's great. :DStinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-12853939242867296162011-03-21T23:07:28.736-05:002011-03-21T23:07:28.736-05:00Intriguing! The voice feels very contemporary but ...Intriguing! The voice feels very contemporary but you might want it that way. I would swap out "bowed" with "curtsied". Good work! :o)Jackeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03351019926958000627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-30070977415165154612011-03-21T18:49:35.844-05:002011-03-21T18:49:35.844-05:00I love the word Hornets for a curse word! I also l...I love the word Hornets for a curse word! I also like the tone for the main character's voice.Jemi Fraserhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02214408467456320167noreply@blogger.com