Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 20

Title: Valley of Swords
Genre: Fantasy

Tristan felt too excited to sleep, but too cold to keep pacing around his room. He crawled into bed, determined to think about something else. He looked at his closed bedroom door, wishing he could let in the warmth from the fire in the next room. Unfortunately, he learned long ago, it was best to have at least one barrier between him and his father. Hopefully his father wouldn’t return from the scouting expedition he led earlier that day. With any luck a werewolf would tear his head off; Tristan smiled with the thought.

7 comments:

  1. You've got me intrigued :) I want to know what's got him excited!

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  2. I like Tristan's voice and the immediate tension. That last line was great for showing the relationship with his father.

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  3. Love the conflict there at the end about the dad and the werewolf. LOL! That adds a lot to our MC. Also, I love the title. Thanks for sharing! Best of luck. :o)

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  4. For me, it felt a bit rushed. Like too much information in such a short time, but that's just me. This is one hundred words, so pressure's on.
    Good job though and best of luck.

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  5. Like it and think it has potential. Just a couple of comments - show us he's too excited to sleep (keeps getting out of bed or eyes keep popping open) and too cold (rubbing his arms or blowing on his fingers); if he's pacing, wouldn't that keep him warm? (unless his room is really, really cold); his father isn't there but he still won't open the door for the warmth on the other side - perhaps suggest that he expects his father to return shortly although he hopes he never does. Love the werewolf reference! Great start.

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  6. Peggy's got a great point. If you show these feelings, it will be a more exciting read.

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  7. I really liked it. My only question is this. Is Tristan more excited or anxious about his father's return? It seems that he is anxious, like out of fear....Nice job!

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