Monday, March 21, 2011

Entry Number 16

Title: BEAUTIFUL THINGS NEVER LAST
Genre: Contemporary YA

My mother is totally nuts. I say this with complete certainty, and with the backing of fourteen medical professionals’ opinions. They have filled her head- and our medicine cabinet, with enough bottles to make a CVS jealous. Lithium, Darvocet, Prozac, Xanax- they are all present and accounted for- happy little tablets to curb her unruly moods. So, what did come first, the meds, or her major personality defect? If you ask me, I don't think she started off certifiably emo. I think she was just unhappy and my dad knew it’d be easier to partially sedate her and keep her quiet than attempt to make her life better.

8 comments:

  1. Love the title, and I love the first (and second) line. It is definitely something a teen would say. I think this is a powerful first paragraph that gives important info.
    There may just be a few punctuation errors here, I need to double check usage here to help you fix them! Good luck!

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  2. You pack a punch! I like the tone & the voice. I think I'd be tempted to get of 'partially' & 'certifiably' & 'just' to give it even more impact.

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  3. I'm definitely hooked. I think you could cut some of those hyphens and change 'what did come first' to 'what came first.' Otherwise, great start.

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  4. I think there should also be a hyphen after 'medicine cabinet'. Trying to help Kelly out here.
    On my lunch break, so just popping in. I read your first 250 and commented. So good job and good luck. My best, Linda

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  5. I like the voice here. I like the line about being 'certifiably emo' and wonder if the paragraph should end there because it packs a bigger punch.

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  6. Great start. I love the listing of the medications and the musings of the relationship between medicine and illness. I think in today's society, this would really grab many readers. I want to know more about the mother, her condition and her relationship with the narrator.

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  7. Totally hooked! I agree with some of the punctuation issues....but I want more!!!! I don't even care that I don't know the mc's name...but I hope you bring that up soon. I went to a conference and the agent I met with said that was SO important! NICE JOB!

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  8. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! So many great entries in this contest! Good luck to everyone! :)

    Sharon, that is interesting, I'd never really thought about that! Actually, I don't think her name comes up until halfway through the first Chapter. Hmmm... May need to remedy that! (It's Quinn, by the way) :)

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