tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post8352744964210489115..comments2024-01-13T03:17:02.912-06:00Comments on S.K. Mayhew, Kid Lit Writer : Entry Number 29Sharon K. Mayhewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-38231118448109781532011-03-27T11:52:27.903-05:002011-03-27T11:52:27.903-05:00I know I commented on this one in the Show Me The ...I know I commented on this one in the Show Me The Voice contest, but I just LOVE it!! No crit, I think this is fab!Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01513890163267239343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-21754104933528634972011-03-25T16:24:53.913-05:002011-03-25T16:24:53.913-05:00OOOhh! Nice and creepy!
The only thing that I wo...OOOhh! Nice and creepy! <br /><br />The only thing that I would change is the repetition. Unless repetitive thoughts are a huge part of his voice, I would rather have that information given quickly and move on to the more important second paragraph.<br /><br />But definitely intriguing and want to read on!Susan Kaye Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07348197999397141067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-51813988809869985862011-03-24T16:43:35.361-05:002011-03-24T16:43:35.361-05:00I'm pretty creeped out by him rumbling through...I'm pretty creeped out by him rumbling through Heidi's purse. I'm really curious about the last line saying "this Heidi..." <br /><br />My only question is about the new boys band concert ticket. Is this like the new boy is in a band and she had a ticket to his concert? Or is this like a ticket to a concert she went to with the new boy?Sharon K. Mayhewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-25958217024541307622011-03-22T21:02:59.857-05:002011-03-22T21:02:59.857-05:00I like the mundane nature of the first few lines c...I like the mundane nature of the first few lines coupled with what I interpret as a creepy obsessive nature. Not sure I love the slutty aspect, but I take my YA on a tamer side. I am curious as to the narrator's motives and desires.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01440251817312635671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-53698978505565343972011-03-22T07:54:29.202-05:002011-03-22T07:54:29.202-05:00I critted this during the 250 word blogfest. Still...I critted this during the 250 word blogfest. Still love it. Good luck. There's not enough YA thrillers out there. I hope to see it on the bookshelf one day (as do you, no doubt). :DStinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-41006522422346682302011-03-21T23:13:02.972-05:002011-03-21T23:13:02.972-05:00The repetitive "Sour Patch Kids" is a ve...The repetitive "Sour Patch Kids" is a very unique way to start the story. :o) And I love that we find out right away that the narrator is not a nice protag. The phrase "tickled his hands with worry" is confusing, though.<br /><br />Good work--very interesting!Jackeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03351019926958000627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-78738251806219218522011-03-21T19:44:24.859-05:002011-03-21T19:44:24.859-05:00This gives me the heebie jeebies in a good way. I ...This gives me the heebie jeebies in a good way. I remember reading this entry in the first lines contest, so it's fun to read what comes next. :)<br /><br />Great job!<br /><br />AmyA.L. Sonnichsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11358456786727534289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-6609132957824833102011-03-21T19:12:11.626-05:002011-03-21T19:12:11.626-05:00Creepy! Love hearing from the mind of the villain ...Creepy! Love hearing from the mind of the villain :)Jemi Fraserhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02214408467456320167noreply@blogger.com