tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post8214767170581995761..comments2024-01-13T03:17:02.912-06:00Comments on S.K. Mayhew, Kid Lit Writer : Entry Number 7Sharon K. Mayhewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-76278115462407394402011-03-24T04:19:12.300-05:002011-03-24T04:19:12.300-05:00Firstly, I love this: There's a time for rocki...Firstly, I love this: There's a time for rocking out and a time for getting things done. Only major feedback is that I'd like to have a sense of who's speaking--age, perhaps?Amie Kaufmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15116472165351759477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-84250680937402658392011-03-23T21:33:57.650-05:002011-03-23T21:33:57.650-05:00I liked the title.
The voice is terrific. It has ...I liked the title.<br /><br />The voice is terrific. It has some grammar issues which already has been pointed out.<br /><br />I believed it and that's a good thing.Michael Di Gesuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047267262428143113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-50353572109544895962011-03-22T21:28:09.589-05:002011-03-22T21:28:09.589-05:001. The first two sentences don't flow together...1. The first two sentences don't flow together, although I like them each separately.<br />2. Not sure why classic is in quotes?<br />3. What about...Right now, I need to find something to wear to Brooke's birthday party. It seems like it goes with the sentence before better and the tense is correct.<br /><br />It may seem like I'm nit-picking, but I really love this which is why I wanted to mention those things. I LOVE the voice - very well done. It was obvious to me that it was a girl because she wanted to pick her outfit, etc. but that's just me. I think the concept it fantastic (rock'n'roll princess) and I wish you lots of luck!! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-16643761069396934412011-03-22T18:52:00.308-05:002011-03-22T18:52:00.308-05:00I love the title of this! And I like the voice. ...I love the title of this! And I like the voice. I know it's only the first 100 words, but I found that the last sentence didn't go with what was happening beforehand. I get that she needs some peace and quiet so she can concentrate on picking out a killer outfit, but I didn't get what her brother had to do with anything. Be careful with your tenses.Melissa Sarnohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11215683401795724259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-64358254737576921402011-03-22T17:23:20.943-05:002011-03-22T17:23:20.943-05:00I like her snarky attitude. I'm pretty sure i...I like her snarky attitude. I'm pretty sure it's a her because she's picking out something to wear to a party. I think she has great voice. I know a 100 words isn't many I'm hoping her name is introduced quickly. One thing an agent told me about my ms was I is not a character, you have to give your character a name ASAP.<br /><br />I was wondering about your genre...in realistic fiction the same a contemporary?Sharon K. Mayhewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-88274221257675236022011-03-21T17:41:06.039-05:002011-03-21T17:41:06.039-05:00I like the setting and the characters - very real....I like the setting and the characters - very real. I think you could tighten up a bit to make an even greater impact. Nice job. :)Jemi Fraserhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02214408467456320167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-85122431337114464602011-03-21T17:09:33.303-05:002011-03-21T17:09:33.303-05:00Maybe it’s just me… it seems like a theme of mine....Maybe it’s just me… it seems like a theme of mine. But I would like to know more specific about the character, is it a boy, or girl… I do get a sense of the age though. The voice portrays a 13 to 14 year old person.<br /><br />I think it’s a girl because of picking something to wear for the birthday party, yet it think it’s a boy, because of the neglect of the crying baby.<br /><br />Something in your writing leaves me wanting more, I do connect with it. <br /><br />I wish you the best of luck.Jeff Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00667419764890599092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-21420206273310297652011-03-21T15:14:44.785-05:002011-03-21T15:14:44.785-05:00Remember your tenses. "blasted" is past ...Remember your tenses. "blasted" is past tense, and "listens" and "pays" are present tense. These are little things, I know, but its just enough to stop the flow of action. I think this would really be a good story told in present tense, if it isn't already. It seems to be a popular way of writing, although I can't seem to master it. I love humorous books. I don't care if they're for adults or middle grade. Laughs are laughs! Good luck Entry Number 7Debra Erferthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08239033133090036826noreply@blogger.com