tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post3032092379863711602..comments2024-01-13T03:17:02.912-06:00Comments on S.K. Mayhew, Kid Lit Writer : Sharon K. Mayhewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-45862937398441809522010-03-29T00:46:00.517-05:002010-03-29T00:46:00.517-05:00I like this a whole bunch. I especially like the v...I like this a whole bunch. I especially like the voice. It has huge potential. All this needs is a little polish. At the moment it's not quite smooth enough, imho. I had to stop too often while reading because I was tripping over words. Also, "need to avoid" should be "needed to avoid," right? (Since it's in past tense?)<br /><br />I hope this helps and I really do like this. Great way to start! :)A.L. Sonnichsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11358456786727534289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-43418608055540409352010-03-28T15:47:05.307-05:002010-03-28T15:47:05.307-05:00Hi
I like how this made me laugh and a great way ...Hi<br /><br />I like how this made me laugh and a great way to catch attention - start humourously to set the scene and tone of the story. <br /><br />Take care<br />xOld Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13185547869183611159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-28656730378210636882010-03-28T11:49:22.381-05:002010-03-28T11:49:22.381-05:00I really like the first sentence. It sounds like ...I really like the first sentence. It sounds like a teenager. I'd add a "You" to the beginning of the second sentence. Great start, I'd read on!Sharon K. Mayhewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-74948188639908205852010-03-28T08:09:40.757-05:002010-03-28T08:09:40.757-05:00I like this - I'm drawn in by the voice right ...I like this - I'm drawn in by the voice right away, this is someone I'd like to spend more time with. I might get rid of the word "accidentally" since this clearly wasn't meant to happen.Susan Fieldshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02433408456603462774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-4719051838047916062010-03-27T15:33:54.904-05:002010-03-27T15:33:54.904-05:00ooh, yeah, just gave it away I guess. Yes, I did c...ooh, yeah, just gave it away I guess. Yes, I did critique my own entry.TerryLynnJohnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08380207155608982319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-84422670494048703932010-03-27T15:32:31.526-05:002010-03-27T15:32:31.526-05:00thanks bluestocking - I've fixed to show that ...thanks bluestocking - I've fixed to show that the race started in town and had to run through the streets to get to the trail head. (sponsors like having the start at their business so they truck snow in. Crazy, I know)TerryLynnJohnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08380207155608982319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-78964558137875806502010-03-26T17:19:49.541-05:002010-03-26T17:19:49.541-05:00Great sense of voice here. The "look down for...Great sense of voice here. The "look down for a blink" gave me a bit of trouble especially with the following prepositional phrase right after, but could just be me. Question... you say you need to avoid the car on the way to the trail.. I assumed the race was already underway.Bluestockinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01225973854788421827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-79778887556555089752010-03-26T17:19:15.104-05:002010-03-26T17:19:15.104-05:00Um, too many "things" in the first sente...Um, too many "things" in the first sentence.TerryLynnJohnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08380207155608982319noreply@blogger.com