tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post22189730472939274..comments2024-01-13T03:17:02.912-06:00Comments on S.K. Mayhew, Kid Lit Writer : CRITIQUE CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT...With Awesome Prizes! (And Show Me the Voice Contest Entry)Sharon K. Mayhewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-17080435596178789512011-03-24T10:58:13.691-05:002011-03-24T10:58:13.691-05:00Hi.. just popping in to say hello. Looks llike an ...Hi.. just popping in to say hello. Looks llike an awesome contest. See you soon, take care, Keri <br /><br />alwayscurtsywhenyousneeze.comKerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07985370251571864592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-44943084323480971722011-03-23T18:47:35.260-05:002011-03-23T18:47:35.260-05:00what a great contest! Too bad i missed it. :(what a great contest! Too bad i missed it. :(nutschellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10967710710805174781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-41415127054380539572011-03-21T11:20:43.479-05:002011-03-21T11:20:43.479-05:00Awesome contest Sharon. You amaze me:)Awesome contest Sharon. You amaze me:)Buffy Andrewshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07033283884801658206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-48751719224630763292011-03-21T08:02:33.390-05:002011-03-21T08:02:33.390-05:00Oh no! I missed the news about the contest.
Grea...Oh no! I missed the news about the contest. <br /><br />Great 250 words. It's a little hard for me to crit because it's not my genre. I get bored reading early chapter books to my daughter. Not enough conflict. ;)<br /><br />This one is great. I had a hard time at first because of the lack of setting, but then I remembered the genre. I still think you could give a little more though. Are they at a grocey store or a store like Walmart? A little more description could go a long way. Is it busy? etc. Of course, take these suggestions with a huge grain of salt. ;)<br /><br /><br />Good luck!Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-32305419296207714292011-03-20T23:40:50.595-05:002011-03-20T23:40:50.595-05:00What a great contest!! I wish I had a finished man...What a great contest!! I wish I had a finished manuscript so I could enter, but alas, I’m still working on my historical/fantasy romance. Good luck to all who are eligible to enter!!! <br /><br />The only critique I have on your entry is the slang. I’ve heard so often how it can date your book.Lindsey Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15398211816930946648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-74305152057733170102011-03-20T21:52:48.867-05:002011-03-20T21:52:48.867-05:00I'm not in the contest, but found you through ...I'm not in the contest, but found you through a friend's blog. Nice opener. You did a great job capturing the boy's voice.Kelley Vitollohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13304868437913885003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-25688364228422033692011-03-20T21:32:55.729-05:002011-03-20T21:32:55.729-05:00Thanks so much for letting me know about this Shar...Thanks so much for letting me know about this Sharon! It sounds like an awesome contest. Unfortunately I can't enter, because my MS isn't finished. I'm in the middle of a rewrite and only have about half of it done.<br /><br />Best of luck to all who enter, though!Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-78789891494745496722011-03-20T20:56:15.581-05:002011-03-20T20:56:15.581-05:00Returning the read :)
I like the first line. It m...Returning the read :)<br /><br />I like the first line. It makes us wonder what will happen. However, you may want to either cut out the second line or add some more imagery to work it in. Also, I'm confused as to David's age. At first, I thought he was a teenager (probably because I read a lot of YA and automatically assume everything is as such). The way David acts made me think again and wonder if he isn't in elementary school.<br /><br />Overall, this is a cute scene, and the dialogue is nicely done.Kris @Imaginary Readshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13550965344184687023noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-25968343890402520172011-03-20T19:10:10.484-05:002011-03-20T19:10:10.484-05:00Great voice - sounds like lots of the kids at scho...Great voice - sounds like lots of the kids at school! :)<br /><br />Could you lose the 2nd line about the cart? I don't know if you need it - we get the characters and setting very quickly. Nice job!Jemi Fraserhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02214408467456320167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-59250382853725204482011-03-20T18:43:39.944-05:002011-03-20T18:43:39.944-05:00I'm with Margo and Jolene on the favourite lin...I'm with Margo and Jolene on the favourite line, love it! I think this is a really sweet start for a chapter book and I like the voice in particular--I get a real sense of who David is, and from the first page, I feel like I know what kind of book it'll be. Great!Amie Kaufmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15116472165351759477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-32284839180640990192011-03-20T18:22:19.700-05:002011-03-20T18:22:19.700-05:00I love this! I laughed at the roller blade part. T...I love this! I laughed at the roller blade part. This passage reminds me of shopping with my mom when I was a kid.Eliza Tiltonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00765731038856226730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-18178945631268198142011-03-20T17:49:29.628-05:002011-03-20T17:49:29.628-05:00You have great voice there. I can really picture D...You have great voice there. I can really picture David. The story sounds intriguing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01677563505368503476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-37547312793762825382011-03-20T17:29:52.860-05:002011-03-20T17:29:52.860-05:00I'll second Margo on the favorite line. Nice j...I'll second Margo on the favorite line. Nice job :)Jolene Perryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14809468564016928636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-38932644672971469572011-03-20T16:00:02.756-05:002011-03-20T16:00:02.756-05:00I like how David shows off math without turning th...I like how David shows off math without turning the book overly educational. I hope that continues. Maybe consider cutting "Mom stopped abruptly" and putting David's dialogue in the first line? Mom's reaction is implied, and this throws action in the first line.<br /><br />Great!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07754229648422848542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-52021940069355268002011-03-20T15:50:11.879-05:002011-03-20T15:50:11.879-05:00Oh! stopped by the for the blgogfest and another c...Oh! stopped by the for the blgogfest and another contest too! Thank you for that bonus!!!<br /><br />I loved this line "Mom didn’t answer, which meant she DID expect him to wait all summer." and him tossing the poptarts in the cart :)Margo Berendsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03476308235642890474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-34174177686006008292011-03-20T15:31:25.382-05:002011-03-20T15:31:25.382-05:00I do think we get a sense of who David is, and I e...I do think we get a sense of who David is, and I enjoy his banter with his mom b/c it illustrates their relationship and how they get along really well. However, I'm not sure the namedropping works in your favor. I love what you're portraying--a lot of teens care about what's hot right now in fashion and shoes and electronics. But giving the name brand like that will date your story and you want your story to be timeless.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-46497784429134400062011-03-20T15:21:39.249-05:002011-03-20T15:21:39.249-05:00Thanks for letting me know about the contest!
beth...Thanks for letting me know about the contest!<br /><a rel="nofollow">bethfred.com</a>Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09962862566388212238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-22221635826239717912011-03-20T15:04:45.322-05:002011-03-20T15:04:45.322-05:00I love the chapter book! The voice hooked me and I...I love the chapter book! The voice hooked me and I can totally relate even tho I'm (cough, cough) 33. One thing, tho. There are a few brand names in there like Pop Tarts and Cap'n Crunch. Would you be better off saying cereal and toast?? Just thinking. And I love the title!!! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-24537587300775664752011-03-20T13:44:33.028-05:002011-03-20T13:44:33.028-05:00I haven't read a chapter book, since I was rea...I haven't read a chapter book, since I was reading chapter books. Ha ha. But, I like the beginning of your chapter book, and I can relate to the character, remembering what it was like to really want something at that age.Anita Saxenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12444339735834716979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-62812267882910484272011-03-20T13:36:58.499-05:002011-03-20T13:36:58.499-05:00This is fun. I don't read a lot of chapter boo...This is fun. I don't read a lot of chapter books, yet. (My kids aren't that old.) I do like the voice of David, though. It reminds me of my little brother and how he was in elementary school. I can almost picture him just from how he talks. Nice job!Kayeleen Hamblinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07652280450104899423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-80930544100060862532011-03-20T11:53:30.582-05:002011-03-20T11:53:30.582-05:00Awesome contest. My manuscript isn't quite rea...Awesome contest. My manuscript isn't quite ready yet, but good luck to everyone.Natalie Aguirrehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03756087804171246660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-85540117399277290642011-03-20T10:29:57.530-05:002011-03-20T10:29:57.530-05:00I love when you do theses, if always has wonderful...I love when you do theses, if always has wonderful people involved… thx for your time and effort, as well, a big thx goes out to those other people involved to make this happen. <br /><br />Thx.Jeff Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00667419764890599092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-35312072795065044832011-03-20T08:39:49.340-05:002011-03-20T08:39:49.340-05:00Judith Engracia has always been on the top of '...Judith Engracia has always been on the top of 'my wish list'. She is fantastic, generous and kind. Good luck to everyone.Write Lifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11243460609179141414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-57100417182492313452011-03-20T06:50:28.966-05:002011-03-20T06:50:28.966-05:00What a great contest! Lucky I clicked through to s...What a great contest! Lucky I clicked through to see if your Show Me The Voice entry was up yet! (I'll be back to critique that when it's posted.)Amie Kaufmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15116472165351759477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-69044777900950964892011-03-19T23:18:15.312-05:002011-03-19T23:18:15.312-05:00You're making me wish I'd finished my revi...You're making me wish I'd finished my revisions on Star Swans, but good luck to everyone who can enter! I'm happy that Jude is blogging again.Myrna Fosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13534358757278599925noreply@blogger.com