tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post1868308744913531952..comments2024-01-13T03:17:02.912-06:00Comments on S.K. Mayhew, Kid Lit Writer : Sharon K. Mayhewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-82994331987739419882010-03-29T12:37:03.287-05:002010-03-29T12:37:03.287-05:00I like this. I hesitated about a split-second at &...I like this. I hesitated about a split-second at "sandal-clad foot," but other than that I'd definitely read on, especially to find out exactly what crime was committed 3 years ago! :)Crystalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09968456960528987538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-41619933751620120462010-03-29T09:04:10.199-05:002010-03-29T09:04:10.199-05:00I'm curious about Lizzie having committed a cr...I'm curious about Lizzie having committed a crime three years ago. The only think that bothered me was the term sandal-clad foot. Is there some way you could change that to a more modern term?Sharon K. Mayhewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-56418782183258760152010-03-29T00:12:39.068-05:002010-03-29T00:12:39.068-05:00I'm definitely curious about her three-year-ol...I'm definitely curious about her three-year-old crime, but because I don't know Lizzy from anyone yet, the first line doesn't really work for me. For all I know, Lizzy might be a teenager with a new license, so I'd probably try to find another comparison for that initial sentence if I were you. I also think it might flow better if you combined the last two sentences: "stomped on the pedal, catapulting past the scene...."<br /><br />Just a thought! Good job and good luck. :)A.L. Sonnichsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11358456786727534289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-54739910183267939512010-03-28T16:09:55.789-05:002010-03-28T16:09:55.789-05:00Hi
I like the action and the pace conveyed here. ...Hi<br /><br />I like the action and the pace conveyed here. I would start with the last sentence because for me it's your strongest and captured my attention most.<br /><br />Good luck!<br /><br />xOld Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13185547869183611159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-23176265650100188622010-03-28T08:30:02.425-05:002010-03-28T08:30:02.425-05:00I like the last line, especially the imagery of Sa...I like the last line, especially the imagery of Satan himself chasing her. I see her driving a car past a certain location where she committed a crime three years ago and she's eager to get past it. I'm curious to know what the crime was - I'd keep reading.Susan Fieldshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02433408456603462774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8449147139519589668.post-34051700304521871442010-03-26T17:51:25.541-05:002010-03-26T17:51:25.541-05:00I liked your first three sentences (the first is r...I liked your first three sentences (the first is really strong), but your fourth left me a bit confused. I assume you are using the driving image as a metaphor for speeding through her memories? You could probably make that a bit clearer.Bluestockinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01225973854788421827noreply@blogger.com